We called my mom. The day before Thanksgiving. And she was in a bar....

The Dana & Parks Podcast
Wednesday, November 22nd

The call was made to my mother, Big Juicy,  at 4:47 pm.... I have never laughed so hard in my life.   #shoppingcartskill #wateriswet 


Transcript - Not for consumer use. Robot overlords only. Will not be accurate.

A I. Oh she's yeah she's been now yes she is Matt infectious. Complaining that she doesn't have any paid gigs in the US when she gets and her world war I'm sorry Dixie Chicks comedy. Don't make a picture of yourself holding the president severed head. She initially apologize that photo and then said she was no longer are over the summer and she's really surprised. She added at the pity party continues. This all of crap has never fallen on any woman in the history of America like it has on me Susan weeks ago The Dixie Chicks. They kind of impact. Wrote those last hip. I am just saying they are still popular they've more crossed over into. Hawkish country. Up there. What they it was nothing compared to get a grip and my god. All she's it was on that this president embarrasses man's president in London the members are present. Some tax. Not let me ask you this Cathy Griffin did not get a hall pass will Louie CK come back yes you thank him. I amount. Depends how big this wall of. Push back against sexual harassment Bryant misconduct. Ends up being. Let's hope we get over a list I'll take nominations here raw data care. People who have come back from Incredibles scam. Michael victim is is the one of wide outs because we got Bill Clinton's and everybody's got to think out of the box. Is obvious problem rob blow. Robert Downey junior Robert Downey junior. Clinton as the number one. Although I think he's in for a second. Well Marion Barry. Smoked crack with hookers and then what election and got back into the mayor's office and how does that even happen I do not know. It is I think we are more likely to forgive a personal failing. Like drug use. You get hooked on appeal its current. That we are to forget a crime against someone else I think it's a crime against children Robert Downey junior he was just a bad boy on the movies sent in short him. In that made that the companies take out insurance. So that if he imploded. They would be covered. But that was his own behavior. You know Michael Vick. His victims were talks defenseless animal and I am he got a job working for the Kansas City Chiefs. And now works for world box in contact sport yes I do in the pregame on some place. See the problem is what can Griffin do it all and electrocuted. To check thicker and it wasn't too herself it was a bloodied. Vital. Effigy. Of our president's hand that is not OK or if Donald Trump is an office that is not a case of Barack Obama is an obvious. Shall come back guys down. I don't I don't think they're too many other comedians they'll just go with somebody well. Not going or its arms argument and Robert button not only what she did all that but it's her. Her now saying you know what I'm not sorry that no one's ever been mistreated like distant and there really no one's ever been mistreated as bad as you. Might I point out these civil rights movement yeah. It doesn't come across as just winding its hollow yes I have is totally as whining and now. Even people that didn't care about to have the the picture are now going up yeah use Sox shut up. She's not funny. No she never wants. The main reason is they were looking for a reason to not poke you because you're not funny. I don't get it. I it was never particular fan of comedy at the expense of other people like Joan Rivers I never. And I understand there's a place for owls like Lisa and Nelly she's funny I can't sell I don't like comedy where I'm sitting there just. Ranging. Out what they're now roast is different if everyone's gathering for rose to theirs as long history of roasting people in America and that's different but when you do. For your job is cut down other people I don't. I don't like that who's that who's big one I'm Kara Perez Hilton. Yeah who was so awful. Until have you heard the story Jennifer Aniston ran into him. Ransom. Was the airport at the mall or something weird and she stopped him and she said. Why do you do it and he was stunned that Jennifer Aniston was talking to him. He said what she said why are used soul. Mean. You are so mean. You've never met me you've never met the people your means short you're so mean and -- about that later I don't follow his column but. I do think that follow him on Twitter after that encounter his tone changed where he covers. Celebrity news for whatever reason people want it but it's not so just horribly mean. So he had an epiphany or some things really get it out when it went. Jennifer Aniston approaches that she said I just thought area I have nothing to lose I'm just gonna go. Confront him and talent might I think he's a horrible human being for the way he treats people and here's like you know what may be true. And cast his partner. In a huge cult women fat Hewitt and just mean. Things. What about I mean he's obviously got the only one. Oh I know ostrich. Rosie O'Donnell Roseanne Barr. Lisa went from Norway. Or at least eleven dollars well I I love her I think she's funny. But she has made a career out of bringing people. Satiric leak down. Right now. And she's following. She sells out the Midland which is what Joan Rivers and I will remember the joke that got her internal refused review which is about the Holocaust there is repeat it. And she came back from that. So there are things that you can say that cross a line sports this order single person listening like no it's not that it was funny no one. Other comedians that I Chris Wright an oven right yes. Yes and see where does she do it. It doesn't matter. Yes I think I think I guess the reason I bring it up and I don't do not repeat the jokes like is just American or American repeat the joke and is what can I think. People. When it comes to men and women do have a tougher time in comedy not gonna say that they don't. Again it's it's that she told the joke there was this huge backlash but then she continued. Row area to work she's talking about Heidi Klum. She continued to work and so wide she continued to work. This is what Kathy Griffin is probably wondering. And I doubt when she said no one else has been treated like this you I think she's talking about the Joan Rivers of the world. Who have done things that were a well first Joan Rivers was groundbreaking Joan Rivers was funny. You're not funny. No but you either so he got a whole pass because she was groundbreaking do you think on the I think I think Joan Rivers. Was allowed a little bit more leeway than other comedians. Would have been given because she was groundbreaking. First woman to ever host of the Tonight Show and she was funny. I mean let's not discount. Joan Rivers was a comedian. She was fun. And when Johnny Carson would take a night off and Joan Rivers filled out when the same but it was funny subsonic stupid show. If Kathy Griffin filled in New York. Clicked Letterman. That's hearsay that out through the lens of what she's not no I'm saying that now through the lens of living through it. And show leg. Idealist yes the who don't know categories kept grip and so ego from. She did not as far as fall again exactly and so is she gonna have that for a rise again. I mean. Her claim to fame was not a and trying to castigate. You're not funny. Was. It was a liquor he was it was hilarious. Exactly the time Jack Islamic gondola in Telluride with him. I so. What he does is your first your on the show. I still she is now in my lifetime because I'm still now. All that's where and heat and rain and doing it yourself and to me is like yeah. Some news yeah and those was by the way I mean. You're sitting there for like six minutes. What Anderson Cooper. I know it's news and brought to an edge and a whole. Arab one I'm. Here. At all. Back guy Andy Rooney tonight and what kind of credit I got. Jack would have jumped out right gondola in and rude it's cold out here anyway so yes Anderson Cooper. They start talking. Super nice. I would never. Let it you know I have you with Anderson Cooper. In an enclosed space for six it's a conversation about her plans and didn't get it out. But we're doing the whole US. Man security and I'm on. The odd. The next day he runs into some actress who I have never heard in my lot and gets a photo with her and Merck's. Necks. And he had he was asked about. Her. Oh. Did you write your forward nuts and bolts Mick nuts and bolts hardware a must visit on Black Friday and here's why all the stores open at 7 AM. With 25% off all regular items and the great deals aren't limited to just Friday. Not symbol has three days of deals Friday through Sunday save up to 50% throughout the store. And make nuts and bolts of Christmas to corps headquarters they have a huge selection of fresh cut trees lights all your Christmas needs. 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Could be credit aggregate cowboy hat could have an account you know. And his name has just been replace. I can't write this kind of stuff man. He is navy commander which used to say if I'm not mistaken a captain in the army. An air force Marines and com. So O three and said it took mad skills to do what he did in June. His name is Brendan staples. And obstacles attendance tackles. Rod would you care to guess what his call sign is. Now in Manhattan and Manhattan. What might that be. His call sign missed test. Testicles. Has tanks and I can't write this. Is she going to be fired I think it is so you don't on you know I think and somebody said this the other day. Are one of the cable channels. He should be given automatic promotion this man has been will. To put his life on the line for. You draws subpoenas in this. Grow up America like. With say he should throw home. It was Flemmi. Did you see the top gun mean this is his call sign is asks. His last name is tackles. Testicles. Lawn that's 400. Spent stick. Even promoted. The mean that keeps going around is the short clip of Tom Cruise and use high five in each other room in the top gun at me for yet. And it just says. You know this is what they did right after the agers can I don't have a funny come on. The navy's official website offer to wink and a nod to be obvious joke in press release last year about stick goals. Taking over command. Of the squadron BAQ entries. And call sign his test that it's already a joke you with unit if they would fire him for a lot less. No I wouldn't. Dana they allowed his call sign they have to approve Osaka. Then I'll ask calls like these that sound and and knowing full well it was last it was tackles. Testicles. That's offs. And then he goes and draws a Peterson's. It's c'mon that's we have bigger problems than Americans at times. Yeah. No run. Really. Care marks or walks into the news. On and did you hear his name gas. It's calls that is that's his last name is circles now testicles. Was that. Governments are and I don't know it's funny. News or liquor hundreds are remembering a fifteen year old Casey cabling. More next. A funeral to. Medicare damage yet don't delay the annual enrollment period ends Thursday December 7 now is that time. To sign up for a blue Medicare Advantage plan from blue cross blue shield of Kansas City choose from three affordable plan options to figure needs including UP PO plan. That war with has access to doctors and hospitals nationwide. Medicare Advantage helps you save with all in one plants combining everything in original Medicare with more what you want. To feel good about taking care of your health care and your financial needs. Called blue Casey now to enroll in blue manicured damaged before time runs out. Here's a number 833 Kasey blew one at 833 KC BL UE one. TTY 711. Phone lines were open ADM to 8 PM daily blue Medicare Advantage available only from the local trusted leader for more than 75 years. Blue Cross and Blue Shield of Kansas. Port 31 in Kansas City from the KM BZ newsroom I'm Kara marks are out. Hundreds are purple and black and white balloons floating in Riviera for Kasey Kahne this afternoon more than 200 people remembering December of two who was shot to death of maple hill laundry while he was working over the weekend police are still looking for the people into cars that were seen leaving the laundromat around the time that to a shot. Pictures on those vehicles are posted and KM BZ dot com. Family is flocking to the upper west side of Manhattan today to watch is screws inflate the balloons for the Macy's Thanksgiving Day great. Kiki gap again there it sounded a little off. Yeah. For me cousin. The parade steps off at 8 tomorrow morning live on NBC and want traffic and weather together next. Right here for doctor Tate in the center for nutrition and Lee led and a 135 and rallied I was. Brag about my girl from for the last couple weeks that she's down more than ten pounds I've finally doctor a couple days ago. She's in and don't eighteen pounds well that is certainly more than ten that's almost twenty. And I apologize for rounding down she is down almost twenty pounds and I think she started if memory serves. Almost three weeks ago. If you wanna look better feel better going into Thanksgiving. Cult talked her take and get started with his medically managed weight loss program. I feel better I'd look better. When doctor take is part of my life top of the line vitamins delicious meal replacements and a fantastic staff with you every step of the way. Give doctor take a call now 9138148222. For your free consultation. 9138148222. Or take nutrition dot com. You tellem Dane ascension. No major weather headaches at all hearing Kansas City for the entire holiday weekend for smaller cheaper and dry. And warming trend in the forecast straight you Friday and in trimming the temperatures a little bit towards Saturday and Sunday and an overall relating grades. Now plenty of sunshine out there for the rest of today that high low forties. Down to about 32 tonight partly cloudy. Thanksgiving Day abundant sunshine high upper fifties upper sixties I Friday back to the mid to upper fifties you Saturday and Sunday. I'm staff meteorologist at different era more Katie NBC whether there'd. Nanny Casey nine's forty in Lee's summit 42 at your official weather station I'm Kara marks or stay connected with nears 981 KM BZ and KM BZ dot com. Courses Wednesday afternoon in late November. Happy Thanksgiving everybody rot and you're going after my soft spot today her plan my favorite songs of love you for. Yes the pilot in the navy who pain of the dollar and this guy his cobblestones to us. Westminster equals. You heard about this MS thirteen gang. On the East Coast of her at these cats. You've heard about MS thirteen. Is as a disease known to gang. Of the dumbest gang name I've ever. Trump even had a speech about men like Hispanic. True they do this guy in Maryland. About ten members of the MS thirteen street gang lured a man into a parking Wheaton Maryland. Now spoke with one another of walkie talkies this year arrived. And stabbed him a hundred times cut off his head and buried him and a great they dug at a time. All equaling to talk about good stories today knows it's 100 times and don't think his hapless idea right. It. We've. There's the MS stands for Marat so much fruit shop. A good jurist Richard takes Spanish in order to that is the dumbest location name I've ever heard my life. Sounds like the MS 150 the bike race and that's down from multiple. Roses weirdos. Their attitude faces ever heard of accurately it's like they're like the new crips. From the crips and her kids. And the blogs and one was read and one was glued you were supposed to Wear one around the other which rules the blue towel I do not know. If you know there's something wrong with you seriously there's something wrong with if you know that. It's really not hard to figure out why. Well is because let's read his eye. Candy in the blitzer and would it. I do that I. Am I. Did I told him to pick something Nelson has won it. Do. You. Every time you tell horrible story I'm going to count something wonderful. Alcoa. Back in the eighties. There are these two gangs Brett hurt the crips. So it's one were blue one or rent a grand if you had to guess which one world. The court. Un ironically just because I saw at 10 o'clock start that it bleeds and it outfit meant that a bit about Eckert but actually enact. Why. Out there. In the right. Yes you're right now. With the dumbest reason ever for being right about one of its own. You don't if you think the bloods may have won the red ones are. But does that show blue bloods. Arc it now. All right you're gonna stop talking because every time you say something horrible I'm going to counter with a vesting of the day and I am chock full of best things at Stanford there. If you have just had a date I have the best ever or a grant remember standing in front of that and just letting last on my face off. I have something to say. Every time you're done with the sentence I'm going to well Dana this is my most favorite thing ever and I party senate cares if you've had a baby or adopted a baby or you have a grand baby this is what you do this Christmas. You go. To the store and get eight plain. Clear glass ornament just plain aren't right. Scott people are taking the hospital. Baby. Wrist band. And you know little little pink and blue striped hat that they give you at the hospital for your navy says are the same asset. Okay most of us have that stuffed in a drawer somewhere stuffed in a closet or stuffed in a big box. You take the hat and you fold it up and you stuff it in the little ornament with a baby bracelet and it's your baby's first Christmas ornament. All it is to paying yet. I sinister first thing is boring I said run to not lock make this first baby Christmas ornament or never speak to me again. And I mean we're talking cheap you can buy one of those ornaments for what three bucks stick I had in the air stick the bracelet and there. I wouldn't look like the umbilical cord thing and there deafening chorus and there let's stick with the hand bracelet. And the hang on entry would do with the local court after burst of falls off and his her way. Can just throw trash. While some people harvest the cord blood and some people donate the cord blood. And everything else is colonel that's what you donated is you know someone you mean her neutral like Adam. Let's see a surge diseases and serious like you duplicate what's what's it called we thought about it was occult. But search amber what's the research called Adam since stem Summers yes you can donated for research. We looked into banking. Harvesting and banking. Arm last child's cord blood. Just so we had. A reserve god forbid something happened to one of them. Remain well they can use it in certain treatments for things like leukemia. For certain things but for transfusion. Can. To anonymous I don't remember we researched it pretty heavily because we knew it was our last baby so they take the cord blood from the last baby. It has to go to a very very expensive cry a bank and like LA year did you work. We didn't because the storage fees it's not the harvesting in the shipping in the sending its the story. So then you're like OK I wanna spend it now. And you hate to even have a conversation because what would it worth if you needed it but in the end we did not end up doing a lot of people do. I can stick in the freezer. I really did say that. It's produced. Treatments for us. What is it about your family and worst case scenarios. They give you all this literature when your pregnant like K and in just in case one of your kids gets leukemia. Bank your Cortland your like. OK I don't. Now your cord blood so many people to. Let me go home expenses and that honestly about the email from my mother overnight on toe to explain. About and she sent linked. That I'd order a and it's. She sent me a link on FaceBook. In all caps and AMG. So you know it's going to be baton. And it adds something to the effect I had no idea this was a thing. And people are dying. Look at a yet here. Because apparently. You are now supposed to take hands sanitized and wipes to the grocery store every time Uga. Because. They have wives and to hang with me here if you don't wipe off. The grocery cart handle which by the way some people say is one of the most. Germ filled things in America yes if you don't like off and I am not a germ of ending hair an addict. Just went shopping before you. And it is hooked on like fentanyl. Use and touch. The shopping cart or your baby to shopping cart. I know I swear justice. I swear she's and it's me and she also I'm trying to find though she CC Austin. Here we go ONG what I. Read it and don't make up. I can't read that far I always thought I was just wiping off coughing sneezing filthy hands. I never know what people have been touching germs never realized. Traces of drugs to be lingering on those grab handles just another worry to add to my warts and what's your source. Internet a woman and a half. A woman named Becky Pittman on FaceBook. Hurts all the days and even better her than they say it is so we're sharing you know Wal-Mart and amp as whites clinic are handled and how many of you don't isn't what it was not a germs. Today the police chief that's cryptic. Suggestion to it because of all of the problems with two posts if they have fentanyl or something like that still hands and they test the cart thing you do to. Scary worth taking the time to clean handle that's not how you get high now there's going to be people all over lick and those. Candles on the growth from the growth might question. You'd touch one of those things. Please think whacked out on drugs differently not huge but you are right spots. And I. Each pair aren't some rewards record your memory. I am telling you if you bring this up she will freaked out because I got and she does that's very. And she pictures she were here that if we. Are. You know. There's the line or that one that's a thousand times more than channel they used to tranquilize elephants. Tuesday. You know drop that something can I understand but that doesn't add to. On one. We all know what happened there. Here way you know call her cell phone which we. Now. She has truly believe issue trust me shall take this call. I. So if we get. Interior. Supposed. Some registrant you know I never thought I would find another person. Worse than my mom when it comes to Rory and I have to say your mother takes the cake. Along outages analyst extremely potent and concede to the skin and killing and they use patches for Stanford are big juicy you're on the air hell of reducing. Oh my god I'm in a ball. You can't. I. Thinks. He. Can. Now. We want we want to argue about the shopping cart stories and Beno and say a well liked like David. No. Do you worry about that. Big museum and as of awkward questions. Or. Are you drunk. Oh not at all are you see your immediate high council opiates from touching. Grocery cart. Well. It didn't detect it and it saved him outfit at all. Yet you Egypt I appreciate the card out Terry. And can learn about that bright. Room. Think her. It. Oh my god you're not terribly bright did and how we get water here to change now than I am out it was kept preaching water bottle. You have. I had Donald. While I. I bought the water act appetite for high 48 I should and probably not the water I want to agree and I. Dad is not exactly. I. Part 48 and I were the tactic or importing mailing reached a record 48 mailing. For forty on the bottom would mean a lot HD and then I know why and and they are riding a hot water heater I realized. I've changed I just hate anger are pretty hot water heater at border probably. So that's why did during. Well we are very excited to see you this weekend. And I've told everyone in Kansas City to wipe down the shopping cart. And we are today do not store your emergency water next to the water here. Pork 48 yes. You. Not think it was Turkey at. We want to borrow. Biggs is a little. Thank you only. The suit happy Thanksgiving to you okay. The you cannot write that's. Very important and. Hey are you struggling to find the perfect gift for someone who has at all let me tell you about Omaha steaks the return of this. Only 4999. You give the family gift pack Omaha steaks dot com. And enter the code were parks in the search sports savings of 75% off. All the mistakes offers unique gifts. For gourmet food lovers we can use Omaha steaks for years we'd love the taste we love Christ we love how much meat you get. For an incredibly affordable price. And don't let an employee they also knew seafood poultry pork veal lamb desserts appetizers. Pasta. Anything neat and it's a great gift idea just in time for the guys right now Omaha steaks is giving an exclusive savings just from listeners. And parks. Listen everything you get the lesson for two dollars. To fully manuals to tops or wants to boneless pork chops for boneless chicken breast four Q bosses sausages for burgers. For potatoes are gras for caramel apple tart let's won Omaha steak seasoning packet plus get four additional Q Boston's sausages for Fareed. Just go to Omaha steaks dot com and the code we're parks in the search for in a savings of 75% off Omaha steaks dot com the gift. Guaranteed to be it. Yeah. OK okay. Yeah. You know guys. Cool it's. Cool cool I can. I don't know who don't believe there is so. The move a little hero you just don't realize. You don't know what's your. Yeah oh well you guys are tough when you want me to go boom in your arms it's not. Let me know who's gotten everything Zambrano. Okay. Everything you. Atlanta at bat without that was so I line. Our big Jazeera meter on the got him in a ball. Good for you it is Wednesday afternoon I mean yeah. Well bass line is cost nine dollars a year dead meat which can happen. I see that policy. She's like others water where. Water heaters like it's time things into your walker bottles says that. It. It's not that I picked up I was forty and that the heavy heavy. But that sort of not sort. I found this video Dana. You got here this is like one of those adorable things I hate that I think is so cute tank. Basically. It's a woman sitting on the couch in front of her is a baby. You know like pulled himself up stand there. And the dog the family dog and she's trying so hard to get the baby to say mama. This in. But it is. Mean I'm. Going on ahead. Of the union. The baby we'll do it but the ball all. The babies instead there not to beat the ladies eating food so that. So the dog is like I will say Chrysler Donaldson. None ma. Mom must end. But it is. Yeah I'm yeah yeah that don't look ahead. Thanks you know. And creepy. Is he me. Really cheaply and is only 1 anyway yeah I am saying is only Tupperware apparently. Free creep into the stores. And bought Koreans. Marinated. Chicken. And it was good news and there were three year. Did you get. One parent and then put the other two in a Tupperware. Because those cook in this morning I was agreement for once because Michael Skakel said it was a way for Turks and caicos. Anderson. Thanks. Restaurants. I get home and like in a hurry to get the girls out at me and said morals the same time I was I was like super. Come home and their is eight Tupperware. On my living room floor. Go into the kitchen my chicken is gone the dog had somehow figured out away. Because it's not like shoot up there are no marks on it swelled and and all she figured a way to get the top of the she got off account. Which I've should put in the fridge and now. Figured out a way to get the Tupperware off without. Terror to park. Eight chicken. And they just left it up we're right there on the I would be impressed that you could double back yeah. He's a Smart is reflected on the one tooth mark on the topic. Not one. So what's that you're in trouble for. I just want to go Postal Service. And Jesus Lam a big horn group over Toronto on as few leaders suddenly Romberg and not even angry Ayman press. This to you ate a whole we will she is. So that is secure oh. Fest of this Wednesday coming your way next but you don't have to have agreements you either have a grievance. My grievances madame at all. Or you can have something you're thankful for to be happy about on this day before Thanksgiving. Try not to make it I'm thankful for my kids are reversing their. I've 76779. And mom and a bar that's awesome 5767798. To the newsroom McCarron marks. Happening on can be easy a vigil in honor of a murdered Casey came boy today more and more next. Day right here for kriegel messed diamonds you know our armed daughter in law just went to Scott save for their engagements at her wedding set the whole thing. And wanted a really antique look and she just got that band back today just poster on FaceBook. It is stunning. They can do and niece saying you want at critical mass time and she gave them an idea these the kinds of things I like. They designed that band for her sold directly to them and she is thrilled. That's how they work at pre Gomez diamonds are wholesalers by private appointment only we've used them for. Years. Obama called 9136609609. 9136609609. Or kriegel messed diamonds dot com.